“Catching Bids” (3 min. read)

Over the summer I read: “Cherish: The One Word that Changes Everything for Your Marriage” by author Gary Thomas. I wanted to read something that would help me love my wife better. I found the book to be a delight and highly recommend it to you.

Thomas uses an analogy in his book called “catching bids.” The idea is that, on a daily basis, spouses make regular “bids” for attention. Thomas says, “In our language, we could describe these bids as the question, “Do you still cherish me? What the spouse does in response to these bids has a huge impact on marital connection and happiness.” The idea: as you “catch” more bids, you demonstrate to your spouse that you love them, that you cherish them. Thomas gives an example, “Think of a baseball hitter at the plate. Once the pitch is thrown, it counts. The batter can let the ball go by, swing and miss, or hit the ball. But the pitch counts. Every time your spouse makes a ‘bid,’ a pitch is thrown and you have a decision to make.” Not to overstate the obvious, but “catching bids” is an essential skill in loving your spouse. To learn their unique “pitch,” to respond in turn is to love and cherish them. This takes time, but it’s not overly complicated. You know when your spouse has sent you a “pitch,” a “bid” to “catch.”

What I found surprising was not just in the application this has towards my wife but also towards my children. Our kids “cast bids” for our time and attention, our affection and love. They want security, they want loyalty, they want acceptance. When my kids simply say, “Daddy, will you play with me” I now hear it as, “Daddy, do you cherish me?” My kids cast “bids” and deserve nothing less than me swinging at the ball.

The applications, in hindsight, are numerous. We might be bombarded by “bids” from numerous sources on a daily basis, and one could go deeper into the nuances of what qualifies as a “bid” and what does not. For myself, I tie it directly to my family. My wife and my kids deserve to be cherished on a daily basis. As Thomas says, “Cherish means to go out of our way to notice someone, appreciate someone, honor someone, and hold someone dear.” When I catch my family’s bids, I cherish and honor them. I do a good thing, and contribute to our flourishing life.

This week, try the practice of “catching bids.” Learn for yourself the opportune ways in which you can love your family, and help them feel cherished.